guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
