Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
