erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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