We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
