It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
