Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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