singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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