Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
