dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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