I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
