They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
