I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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