Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
