is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
