You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
