This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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