capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
