She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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