If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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