I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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