New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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