I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
