i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
