So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
