This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the day after is always just damage control
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
