I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
