I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She bit a glass in half.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
