I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
