If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
