You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
