I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I want to fling myself into the sun
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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