Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
