did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
