watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal