Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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