My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?