Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.

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  (716): fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck. http://tfl.nu/62ha
  Replies (1) Good night (672) Bad night (856)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra

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  (240): Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra http://tfl.nu/fzzx
  Replies (5) Good night (3826) Bad night (743)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.

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  (843): Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought. http://tfl.nu/bahq
  Replies (14) Good night (795) Bad night (4504)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.

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  (973): how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/ql7e
  Replies (19) Good night (4423) Bad night (2086)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?

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  (781): I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I? http://tfl.nu/0o9s
  Replies (5) Good night (885) Bad night (3579)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.

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  (203): I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus. http://tfl.nu/scm8
  Replies (17) Good night (7709) Bad night (1242)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bring money and cleavage

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  (978): bring money and cleavage http://tfl.nu/w9ou
  Replies (20) Good night (6098) Bad night (932)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"

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  (606): I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?" http://tfl.nu/ecul
  Replies (56) Good night (1075) Bad night (5137)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?

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  (218): Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday? http://tfl.nu/s08h
  Replies (5) Good night (2137) Bad night (928)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance

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  (919): Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance http://tfl.nu/6t4u
  Replies (2) Good night (2206) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off

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  (603): she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off http://tfl.nu/ws61
  Replies (7) Good night (5177) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.

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  (270): Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail. http://tfl.nu/dt82
  Replies (2) Good night (925) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.

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  (720): The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby. http://tfl.nu/rm20
  Replies (3) Good night (972) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.

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  (706): Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes. http://tfl.nu/784u
  Replies (3) Good night (1221) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face

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  (631): It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face http://tfl.nu/ptuh
  Replies (7) Good night (396) Bad night (856)

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