Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
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It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?