she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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