His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
