I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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