Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
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I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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