You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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