You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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