my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
