It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
