I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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