This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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