Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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