I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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