dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
