sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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