A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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