I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
