My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
