I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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