if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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