how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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