with your own penis?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
