I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
