just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
