At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
