: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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