You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
